"Conscious conception is very early, attuned, emotionally present, and aware parenting, where parents prepare emotionally, spiritually, physically and practically to welcome and parent their baby" ~ Ann. C Caird
I want to begin this piece by stating that every individual and couple's conception journey is as unique as they are. The information I include in this post is to be read, understood and considered if it aligns with your intentions of conceiving and parenting. The conversations I encourage you to have may be something you've actively spoken about for years already, or not something you feel is necessary.
This is okay. However, I do strongly encourage you to question if it truly is unnecessary or if there is tension and discomfort in the conversations I bring up. If so, walk towards it. This is where the most healing comes from.
It is the expectant nature of our society and culture that couples, and even individuals, will get to a certain age and stage in life, and will inevitably have children. For many, this isn't the path they are on. For others, they may not be sure if this is what they want, or they want to bring more intentional energy to the process of choosing to have children rather than making it simply the next thing to do.
Going into such a monumental life event and change with a blasé attitude can create a rocky foundation in which you meet the demands of conception, pregnancy, birth, parenthood and all that comes along with it. Not only a huge identity shift occurs, but changes and challenges to your relationship that you have not encountered before.
Through these conversation starters, I hope you can find a solid grounding of your future and a path to go forward consciously and intentionally. If you are embarking on this journey with a partner, I encourage you to have these conversations together to understand one another's wants, expectations and hopes for this life experience.
Conversations to have before conceiving:
Why do I want to become a parent?
How do I feel about how I was parented? What do I remember of my childhood?
What did I like/dislike about my upbringing?
What is most important to me in the experience of conceiving, pregnancy, birth and parenting?
What values and beliefs of mine do I hope to role model for my child?
What values and beliefs do I hope to not pass on to my child?
What do I believe is the most important qualities in a parent? Why?
What are my expectations of my partner/co-parent? What are their expectations of me?
How do we feel about the normalised gendered roles within the family dynamic? Does it work for us? If not, what can we change?
What are my biggest fears or concerns about having a child/becoming a parent? What support services can I put in place to help mitigate these?
By simply reflecting on these questions and where you stand with them, you are already stripping away conditioned responses and in their place cultivating an intentional space from which you will parent.
Having these conversations with your partner before conceiving your child helps build your communication skills, allows you to understand the place at which they are coming into this experience, and move forward as much on the same page as you can be. When you have that child earthside and you are navigating the highs and lows of new parenthood, these cultivated and practised communication skills become incredibly useful to avoid tension, conflict and relationship breakdown. It helps increase the overall satisfaction with the experience, and only works to solidify healthy attachments between your child and you both as parents.
You also begin to look at and work through your 'stuff'. We all have stuff, and it is not exclusively at fault of our parents but also the society and culture we are often brought up in. The subtle messaging we are constantly fed of who we must be, how we must behave, what we must look like and speak like, and if we do not conform to these rigid and ridiculous ideals (that is truly impossible and setting every individual up to fail), we are wrong in some way.
Deeper we go, considering all the 'stuff' we carry from our lineage. The stuff that is not confronted or healed by previous members of our families, falls on us to look at. If we bypass it, because of the discomfort of it, or the unknown it will bring forward, we then pass it on to the children we hope to conceive. And the cycle continues.
These questions help bring this stuff up. It brings it to the surface, places it in front of your mind's eye and allows you to sit with it. Consider why, how and this is serving me and what I want from this life.
Sure, you can bypass this period of setting up for conception. But I ask you to consider what kind of space you're bringing your child into and are you content with it?
Some great resources
Gabor Mate
How to do the work by Nicole LePera
Spirit Babies by Walter Mackichen
What all spirit babies want their mamas to know by Kate Street
With a special interest in natural fertility, conscious conception, and conscious relating through starting a family, I offer birth support and related services to encourage more depth and awareness in your journey. I educate on the menstrual cycle and encourage women to reawaken their confidence and trust in their bodies, and show an understanding of how all of these experiences are interrelated and must be considered on your journey to starting a family.
I share similar information regularly on my social media. Please follow to keep updated, and contact me if you'd like to talk more about this divine time of preparing for your spirit baby.
Contact me at:
hello@caraburns.com.au
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